I Don't Like This

November 16, 2012

Time Started: 6:46PM

Time Ended:  9:02PM

I don't like this. I don't like writing. I don't like this at all.

In writing this blog, I still had to be in my best possible mood, at the best time start, on a topic that just popped into my mind as I was going to bed several nights ago. I am writing (or typing) this in my moment of cramming to beat the deadline at 11:59pm sharp tonight.

Why don't I like writing? Well, maybe I don't really dislike it at all – it's just that....there are factors to consider for me to somehow come up with an acceptable composition.

One factor is my mood and inspiration. I may identify my three different modes. First, the times that I get very inspired which then gets me to the mood of writing. This immense feeling pushes me to write – or, my heart would burst. These moments are triggered when I get fed up with so much emotion. These times, however, happen only once in a blue moon. Second, the times that I am inspired or just in the right mood to write. During these times, I may or may not have much idea on the topic I should be writing about but I can still manage to squeeze out some juice from my brain. These times occur more often than the first. And third, the times that I have no inspiration at all. These occur almost all the time whenever a teacher announces for a writing activity in the classroom that is to be submitted at the end of the 50-minute period – one of the main reasons why I always dread the high school's infamous on-the-spot writing that always made me worried of the scores I'll be getting. During these times, I have observed that I am one of the last people to ever get started – that when I look over to everyone's who's within my reach to check on their progress, I always get down-hearted because I realize they're now half-way through their introductory paragraphs, some even starting on the body, while my paper lies on my desk, crisply clean – nothing written but my name, section, and date. Not only did I dread those impromptu writing but also those take home essays that fill up a specified number of pages or those that require a minimum amount of words – both that actually demanded high-level thinking skills for reflections and persuasive essays.

Another factor is the given topic that I should come up with a write-up. For me, there are three kinds of topics. First is the interesting one. It is the kind that tickles my interest and something that I know much of that can bring me to a considerable mood in writing (my 2^nd mode, as indicated above). Second is the topic that somehow lets me write something worth reading or is forgivable enough that is written by someone (that's me) who also has something to say, however little. Lastly is the topic that I absolutely have no idea about, or at least something that I cannot say anything about because of its depth and seriousness. In addition, I feel most displeased whenever a teacher gives the liberty to the students to choose any topic that they should discuss in writing. While other, or most, people enjoy this ultimate freedom, I feel so lost.

As a child with a very youthful imagination, I found writing easy and enjoyable. It was then in my high school days that I felt awful with compositions. In college, now, this feeling has come up to a whole new level – I start to actually fear writing. I'm not afraid of it because I'm not confident with my spelling or grammar, but because I fear that I may not be able to live up to the standards of college education through the content of my works. But I hope, that sooner, I will be able to find joy and confidence in my writing.

 

"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."

 -- Gene Fowler